"Liars," Sammy whispered, quietly. Quietly because of the two trolls who had taken him captive, trapped him in a cage to their backs, and were swimming to a remote island.
Quietly because, well, he was dinner.
"Please guys, I…I can’t die like this! There’s gotta be some sort of deal we can work out!?!" Sam was groveling at this point. If any of the guys could see him now man.
"Ugh," uttered the Master Troll, there was little point in arguing with him. Nothing got through to him that he didn’t like, not letting go of his captives or the idea that women should have the option to have abortions.
Sammy rattled in his cage, trying with all his might to break the bars, but it was no use; the rods were made of tempered steel and Sammy hadn’t exercised in over three months.
"I…I have a girlfriend! She’s the most beautiful thing in the world to me! Please, you have to let me see her again, just one more time!" Sammy was on the verge of tears now. The trolls, perhaps taking to the young man’s story, turn around. They look him dead in the eyes.
More like howling really, they fall to the floor, hugging their knees
"BWAHAHA!" screamed the Master Troll.
That shut up Sammy. Defeated, he slumped in his cage, accepting his fate.
Sometime later, the trolls finally reached their destination; a shady little island of grass. Over the years, the massive pile of shit became ironically fertile, spouting a foliage that was keen to grow atop itself. The pile eventually became so large that it rolled into the nearby body of water, poisoning all the aquatic life, leaving the surrounding area as almost unlivable to any decent living creature.
The trolls moved in after slaughtering the nearby village and publicly embarrassing themselves at the local Catholic pre-school. They frequently made trips to Annendale to steal away any unsuspecting boy, especially if that boy was inclined to spend most of his time watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer instead of looking for a paying job.
Throwing Sammy’s cage atop the pile of grass, it burst open, freeing the boy. Thinking he was free, Sammy frantically attempted to swim away, but realized that, for miles and miles, there was absolutely nothing. He came back, kneeling in front of the trolls, spluttering salt water everywhere.
"Huh," muttered the Master Troll.
"FINE, GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY! THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT?! C’MON THEN!"
"Soon," teased the Master Troll. "Soon."
Sammy surveyed his surroundings, which were grim at best. At least twenty miles separated him and the nearest shore of Annendale. Taking a step, he cracked a femur bone of perhaps the trolls’ last victim. Actually, most places he stepped were met with either the snapping of a bone or the “c-PLerk” of stepping in manure. Off on the edge of the island Sammy spotted two mer-people making out.
This was all too much.
"WHAT IS THIS PLACE?!" screamed Sammy.
"It’s paradise," said the Queen Troll, right before snapping Sammy’s spine.